maybe the best thing i have read about grief in so long. probably because you aren't trying to monetize it. this is so real. special. this is probably why people also run away from love. like i know how this ends. fuck this. let me die like a cat alone in an alley. yet, you make it pretty clear that the life and love is important. essential. most people on earth don't even taste it. or the love they get they don't want it. i remember wondering why i should even get married. love was great. i think i am capable of love and love people. but why get married. my grandmother, who must have been 84 or so by then, and challenged by a stroke, said, so someone can take care of you, and be there for you, especially when you get older. and that was the push that got me married. i read this as i do all of your posts about Rudes and I can say, i never knew him. but i feel like i do now. i have great regrets too that i never got to know him. he seemed like a prince almost but not one of material riches but something much better - passion for life. my wife is from louisiana and it is in a lot of people from that state. i can feel it the moment i get to know them. much love to you and your family, as you push on. i live back in DC again after a decade away. i wish you the best. i hope you write more on Medium. i blog here everyday about most anything. it is an escape.

Brian G